Thursday, November 18, 2010

Where does the time go?

It has been so long since blogging.  I am not sure where I am going with this, just needed to vent a bit. 

I am having a hard time finding balance.  Balance being a Mom, a business owner, a wife, a daughter, a sister and a friend.  Those are a lot of roles.  This doesn't include grocery shopper, cook, cleaner etc.  I think you see where I am going with this.  Who knew it would be this tough.  I look around me and I see my friends, strangers; they have more kids and they seem to manage.  Why cant I?  While I am at work, I feel so sad that I am not with Shelby teaching her and watching her grow.  Someone else is doing that.  It sucks.  I never seem to get enough sleep.  I feel irritated a lot from sleep deprivation.  Shelby hasn't slept through the night in 7 months.  Am I the only one that feels this way?  Or do we just not hear from the tired, stressed gloomy mommies.  I never get my house clean long enough to enjoy it.  I have accepted that it will be messy, I am always gonna step on toys and things.  I find it easier just to give in to those things.  I have only a couple hours with Shelby when I get home, I spend them playing with her, bathing her feeding her etc.  I don't wanna clean.  Once she is in bed, I am completely exhausted.  Maybe I shouldn't be so hard on myself.
She is a handful too.  The poor thing STILL is getting recurring middle ear infections, she has had stomach flu, colds, tonsilitis, strep throat, croup, fifths disease and is cutting molars right now.  I feel bad for her. She is miserable and has been ALOT durign the past two months.  I think its hard bercause we dont have a sitter to do things as a couple.  We havent been able to go anywhere in the evening without Shelby.  We live in the middle of nowhere, our friends are in the opposite side of town.  For the most part, its fine. We dont mind,,,,but a dinner out woudl sure be nice now and then!
She is a PICKY eater.  Feeding time is sooo stressful for us, she spits everythingn out.  She cries and wants out of her chair and refuses most things.  She will eat fish sticks, KD, spagattia, different fruits,,, but its very limited.  Some days, she eats nothing.  She still has the milk allergy, so I am still giving her formula.  Thank god she loves it and still drinks alot of it.  She is quite pudgy, I knwo she isnt starving.
She has started to walk, she will walk a few steps on her own.  I am so very proud of her.  She looks so adorable.  I will post a video, if I can figure out how.  Seems to be working. Cool :-)

She is growing by the minute, she is over 30 lbs, not a lightweight for sure.  I am not sure how tall she is.  She has her 15 month check-up coming in December, should be interesting!  She is starting to talk a bit, she says Mama, Dada, baba, hi, hello, chopper ( my cat), stella ( babysitter dog), nana, and she tries reall hard to say Shelby, but it doesnt sound like Shelby at all haha.
Her hair is growing so fast! I cant wait to put little pony tails!  It is getting lighter, its like a dirty blonde with a reddish tinge.  She has 9 teeth and a few more cutting right now.  She loves blankies, her dollys, her blocks, she loves play food and her dog.  We recently got a labradoodle and she just adores him.  They are the same age and they play and play.  She laughs and they have so much fun!
Anyways, time for some R&R and maybe some ice-cream! BAd.....I am on a diet!  I went down 2 pant sizes,...woohoooo! I have been working out lots!  Anyways  take care all and I hope to write soon


1 comment:

  1. I don't think there is anything unusual about how you feel. our culture isn't really designed in such a way that it is easy to be whole before starting a family, let alone after.

    People try and "do it all", and get all kinds of messages about what "all" is and how well they should be achieving it. when really, much of life, and certainly life with a little one is a relentless race to get by, overworked, in a crazy world.

    I think, over time, as a person adapts to parenthood, and as the little one develops, things become easier. one year is still brand spanking new mom--not veteran that expects to have "perfected" a balanced life. One year in is still vibrating shell-shock.

    Virtually every parent of a new family i have ever known, had a haunted traumatized look about them, like they were lost and exhausted and terrified--and filled with self-recrimination. and they always looked like they were ashamedly doing everything they could to hide this and project a happy upbeat demeanor. its not to say they weren't happy to be in a family and loving their kids, just that it was an overwhelming experience and people get the idea they shouldn't feel that way and hide it. then everyone behaves that way, and each person looks out at the others asking themselves "what do they have that i don't?"

    Take heart that the really hard part of parenting is only for the first thirty years or so--after that, things smooth out. ;p