I earned my "Mommy stripes"

Well so the phamacist told me lol As you remember from my previous post, Shelby has been super sick.  Well it hasnt gone away and has gotten worse.  She hasnt slept or eaten in days.  Yesterday was scary.  She screamed all night like she was being tortured, by the morning I was so frazzled and figured she would sleep eventually..NO.    Then her fever skyrocketed and it really scared me.  I took her in Sunday morn to see a doctor.  She screamed bloody murder and coughed and choked and barfed in the waiting room. I thought surely this time they will help and not just send her home.  Sure enough, she has a bad ear infection and an eye infection on top of her cold.  Poor thing, well at least I know whats wrong now.  You can better deal with the screams when you know what causes them.  I know I am a newbie Mom and for some this is nothing, but this scared the bejeezus outta me!  I felt so helpless, and useless, and really really frazzled!  I best get used to her being.  What a horrible feeling when your child is in pain and you cant help them.   On a bright note, she has a few antibiotics and they told me to give her motrin and she is on the mend.  I actually got some smiles out of her today!  Welcome Back Shelby! 

She's growing so fast!

Sick baby

Poor Shelby has been sick since sometime on the weekend.  Momma caught a cold and I think I passed it on to her.  She started off with a booger nose, and this weird gagging thing while she was eating,,which I attributed to teething.  She is teething her top two teeth.  But then it got worse, it turned into a full blown cough with an added bark attached at nighttime.  She stopped sleeping, like...wouldnt sleep at ALL!! Momma is not used to that!!  Yikes.  Made for one grumpy Momma and one grumpy baby.  To make matters worse, she also has diarhea and we are now Day 3 she refuses to eat.  I was so worried yesterday I took her to see the doctor,  they tested her for Croup ( whooping cough) but is probably just a viral infection.  Her throat is sore and swollen and thats why she wont eat,.  The only thing she had yesterday was 4 oz of apple juice, and the day before, about 8 0z of milk.  This morn, about 2 oz.  Very worrisome.  Solid food - forget it.  The strange thing about it, she seems to be pretty happy anyways.  I felt embarassed telling the doc "Shes sick" as she bounces and sings.  She is certainly in much better spirits today but is still coughing and not eating, I suspect it will just resolve itself and I will continue to try to feed her.  Poor baby.  This was her first cold! 

Shelby can sit!

What a week!!

Where do I begin? Let's start with the biggie ---> Daycare

1.  It went really really well.  Shelby has made a friend with a 2 yr old boy! Its so cute! Her face lights up lile a Christmas tree when she sees him.  First he laughs and smiles at her, then he runs away.  Then I can hear him from around the corner yelling  "Sheeebbbby"" So cute!   I think its doing her really really good.  Helping her with her seperation anxiety.  She told me the baby hasnt been fussy and its all been great!  Well, the five year old blew her cover,, he asked me " Why does that baby cry all day?"  LMAO!!  The truth comes out!  Honestly I expected her to cry all day and actually it warmed myheart just a little knowing that she misssed Mommy.  Her babysitter has 2 really big dogs.  She loves them until they bark, then she totally screams in panic.   Ya see, Shelby has this new scream, one i have never heard before.  When she is frightened, she shrieks!  Ya feel bad but its kinda funny LOL  She does it when the vacuum is on, or when you stretch out a piece of duct tape and now barking dogs :-)   So in a nutshell, I think Shelby is going to settle in nicely.  She is getting used to her new friends.  She rides in a double stroller with tthe 2 yr old, apparently she is not find of sharing the stroller :-)  Mommy was starting to adjust come the 3rd day.  Okay really what that means, is Mommy didnt cry ALL day, just parts.  This is a huge transitiion for me!  I will get better!

2.  Shelby can sit!  Yay!!!  She weebles and she wobbles, but she dont fall down!!  Yay Shelby!

3.  Her upper front teeth have broken thru.  Not a fun time for Shelby and Mommy.  She does handle quite well.  She wakes in the night crying.  Last night I picked her up and brought her out the couch and gave her a wee bit of bottle and then we both snuggled up and fell asleep!  What a precious moment!

4. We seen the doc and have a plan in place for Shelbys sibling.  I will document here our journey as well, as it is how I became and will become again a Momma.  We are beginning my next cycle, which is next week, but as some of you guys know its about  a 2 month process which begins with me having to take some birth control for 21 days.  Go figure, I want to have a baby and I have to take birth control.  More on this next week!

5.  Shelby now LOVES, I mean love loves Shopping now.  It use to be quite a ordeal for me, crying mad baby hurry through the store.  With her new found ability to sit, she just loves sitting in the cart looking everywhere and trying to grab everything!!   Here is pic :-)   Enjoy!!  

I survived Day 2 of daycare

.....if you call crying all day surviving!  She will only be in care 3 days a week but it breaks my heart! I feel so sad.  I was feeling so guilty and worrying about her but she seems to really love the caregiver.  That makes me feel a little better.  I went to pick her up today and she didn't seem to miss me, that made me even sadder :-(  But its soo good that she is adjusting and enjoying her time there!  Everyone tells me that it will get better...all I can do is believe that its true!

Doesnt she just melt your heart?

I am a Mom!

I have had almost 7 months to reflect on my new role in life.  I am a Mother.  I never thought I would be a mother.  I often used to fantasize about what it would be like to have another human refer to me as Mother, their caregiver, the person whom their whole world revolves around.  But it always seemed like such a fantasy from a far away place. 
Wikipedia says this:A mother is a woman who has, conceives, gives birth to, or raises a child.^[1] Because of the complexity and differences of a mothers' social, cultural, and religious definitions and roles, it is challenging to define a mother to suit a universally accepted definition.
Concieves? check.  Gives birth..check... raising a child...check!! I am a Mom!!  Wow,, it has taken a long time to sink in.  Sometimes I am so afraid I will wake up and it will all have been a dream.
My whole perception on life has changed.  I used to be known as that wild carefree life of the party girl.  No real perception of consequence.  Now every little thing I do, I carefully think out rationale and consequence.  I am responsible for another persons life.  I need to do everything in my power to keep her safe and me safe.  I look at my husband differently now, he is a Dad!  He is a wonderful Dad, he loves his daughter soo much.  I see his face light up when he comes home and see her smile!!  That for me is priceless, that is very satifying.  All those voids I used to try and fill with different things are now all filled in one little smile.  Amazing! 
I see the world differently now.  Every thing I see, is a memory, a reflection or an opportunity.  I find myself more and more reflecting on my family and an increasing desire to have that white picket fence family we all long for. 
I find I try and connect more to my own mother. I see her in a whole new light.  She raised us.  We were no saints..beleive me! She is a strong woman!  I use to think woman that just wanted to be a mom, no career aspirations were just weird or lazy.  Boy was I wrong, this is the HARDEST job you will ever have, its the most rewarding job you will ever have with life lasting benefits.  I would love to be a SAHM, unfortunately I have my own business that I also love.  The great multi-tasker that I am, I will run my business and be a great mom! 
Once you join the Mommy Club, you are drawn to anyone that is a mommy.  New connections, new relationships.  There is a special bond already formed because we are moms. 
I guess what I am trying to say,, the news has sunk, I am a Mom, a very proud Mom and I wouldn't change a thing!!!

Daycare

I finally found one.  I did it.  She is wonderful! She has a wonderful loving home.  They do all kinds of outdoor activities.  I feel really good about this one.  Shelby loved her!  That was great!  I am going back 3 days a week for now.  I think thats what I will do until I have another baby, and then I will bring her home again :-)  I am soo sad to leave her and I am so nervous.  I hope she will be ok, I know she will be.  Its me that wont.  I am sure I will be sobbing for the first few days! We are starting next Tuesday.

Sunny days!

Good Friday was a perfect day!  The first day of real heat and sun!  Can you imagine on April 2 in Ottawa it was just about 30 degrees,,,so like 80 F,,, Wow! I heard on the news, our record on this date for temp was back in the 80's at 21.... and it was 29!! Quite the record breaker!  We decided to take Shelby to the petting Zoo!   We had a blast!!  Little baby goats nibbled on Shelbys fingers!  I dont know what she thought of the animals but she was full of smiles!  Here are some pics!