Where does the time go?

It has been so long since blogging.  I am not sure where I am going with this, just needed to vent a bit. 

I am having a hard time finding balance.  Balance being a Mom, a business owner, a wife, a daughter, a sister and a friend.  Those are a lot of roles.  This doesn't include grocery shopper, cook, cleaner etc.  I think you see where I am going with this.  Who knew it would be this tough.  I look around me and I see my friends, strangers; they have more kids and they seem to manage.  Why cant I?  While I am at work, I feel so sad that I am not with Shelby teaching her and watching her grow.  Someone else is doing that.  It sucks.  I never seem to get enough sleep.  I feel irritated a lot from sleep deprivation.  Shelby hasn't slept through the night in 7 months.  Am I the only one that feels this way?  Or do we just not hear from the tired, stressed gloomy mommies.  I never get my house clean long enough to enjoy it.  I have accepted that it will be messy, I am always gonna step on toys and things.  I find it easier just to give in to those things.  I have only a couple hours with Shelby when I get home, I spend them playing with her, bathing her feeding her etc.  I don't wanna clean.  Once she is in bed, I am completely exhausted.  Maybe I shouldn't be so hard on myself.
She is a handful too.  The poor thing STILL is getting recurring middle ear infections, she has had stomach flu, colds, tonsilitis, strep throat, croup, fifths disease and is cutting molars right now.  I feel bad for her. She is miserable and has been ALOT durign the past two months.  I think its hard bercause we dont have a sitter to do things as a couple.  We havent been able to go anywhere in the evening without Shelby.  We live in the middle of nowhere, our friends are in the opposite side of town.  For the most part, its fine. We dont mind,,,,but a dinner out woudl sure be nice now and then!
She is a PICKY eater.  Feeding time is sooo stressful for us, she spits everythingn out.  She cries and wants out of her chair and refuses most things.  She will eat fish sticks, KD, spagattia, different fruits,,, but its very limited.  Some days, she eats nothing.  She still has the milk allergy, so I am still giving her formula.  Thank god she loves it and still drinks alot of it.  She is quite pudgy, I knwo she isnt starving.

She has started to walk, she will walk a few steps on her own.  I am so very proud of her.  She looks so adorable.  I will post a video, if I can figure out how.  Seems to be working. Cool :-)

She is growing by the minute, she is over 30 lbs, not a lightweight for sure.  I am not sure how tall she is.  She has her 15 month check-up coming in December, should be interesting!  She is starting to talk a bit, she says Mama, Dada, baba, hi, hello, chopper ( my cat), stella ( babysitter dog), nana, and she tries reall hard to say Shelby, but it doesnt sound like Shelby at all haha.
Her hair is growing so fast! I cant wait to put little pony tails!  It is getting lighter, its like a dirty blonde with a reddish tinge.  She has 9 teeth and a few more cutting right now.  She loves blankies, her dollys, her blocks, she loves play food and her dog.  We recently got a labradoodle and she just adores him.  They are the same age and they play and play.  She laughs and they have so much fun!
Anyways, time for some R&R and maybe some ice-cream! BAd.....I am on a diet!  I went down 2 pant sizes,...woohoooo! I have been working out lots!  Anyways  take care all and I hope to write soon

xx

Pics pics and more pics

Shelby crawled today!

We are so happy! She is mainly still a butt shuffler and gets across the room that way, but today she did a real crawl!  Mommy and Daddy are so proud of their little girl!


They grow up way too fast!

Swimmer's Ear

Warning----GROSS

I have taken Shelby swimming numerous times as well as swimming lessons at around 4 months.  Well last weekend while we were camping, I took her to the pool and she must have gotten water in her ear.  Just the right ear.  I have never seen anything like it!  The pus and mucus that was in there, was disgusting.  I cant even describe it.  Then it started to get bloody.  Big bloody boogers stuck in her ear.  Its really sticky too.  YUCK.   I took her to the doctors and its what they call an exterior ear infection or swimmers ear.  Take some Tylenol for the pain and some ear drops.  I thought i would share that even though its gross, if you ever see that, you will know what it is.  

PICS

Shelby is 9 months

We went to her 9 month baby well check-up today!  It seems our little girl is still growing off the charts!
She is 23.5 pounds and 30.5 inches!  Holy cow!  She is over 2.5 feet tall! 
I spoke to her doctor about her mil allergy, he advised that I would keep her on her special formula even after shes one year old.  He said try again to introduce milk in 6 months.  I tried about a month or two ago and it was a disaster, a bad rash and the worst diarrhea you could imagine.  I hope she grows out of it soon! She likes yogurt and cheese but they dont like her!
She is changing by the day now I find.  She is waving good-bye consistently now! She is still shaking her head no!  She says Mama and Dada and baba!  She really loves filling up buckets or bins with stuff and then dumping it all out.  She just loves my cats. 
She doesnt sleep thru the night anymore, she always requires a 3am bottle now.  She is good about going back to sleep.
She has 5 teeth now!  They are so cute!
She doesnt eat as much solid food as she once did.  She loves spagetti, potatoes, pasta, bologna( i know weird), she loves all fruits and veggies, fruits all over anything.  She gobbles up berries and melons.  She is eating more formula now, she is eating sometimes more than 40 oz a day plus 3 meals, doc said its fine.  He said he isnt worried about what she is eating, she so big ;-)

IVF Update

We manged to get pregnant but not long after, we miscarried.  Really sucks.  Life isn't fair sometimes.  We will try again in July/August!  Please keep us in your prayers. 

More Teeth

I have been long awaiting the top central teeth. She has been teething, gnawing and drooling for the longest time, months I think,  I kept thinking i seen signs of them, but I guess I didnt.  The lateral incisor ( beside the front tooth) has emerged.  She has been cranky and runny nose and just miserable! That explains it!  I wonder when the central incisors will come?  In 2 weeks Shelby will be 9 months!! 9 months!! Can you believe it?????  Wow has the time flown.   She now says DADDY!  How cute!!!  She has just learnt it and is her new word of obsession, she says Daddy all day long!  Dennis' heart is melting!   :-)

On the siblling front, I know I promised to let you know how it was going! Well its just about done, I forgot to tell you!  Tomorrow morning, we go in for our embryo transfer! We are transferring 2 fertilized day 3 embryos.  Then the dreaded 2 week wait!  I should be able to start my HPTs on June 13, how fitting, its my bday!!

No No NO

Go figure, that is what Shelby has learned LOL  Not Mama or Dada.  Her first word was hi, then baba.  Now she rapidly shakes her head back and forth no no no!  Usually she does this when she has had enough to eat! She then sees the reaction on my face and laughs her head off!  Its pretty cute! 

Couldnt resist!

Love this pic!

Just about 8 months!

In 4 days, my little angel will be 8 months old! Can you believe it?  I look at her and she looks so mature.  She is blossoming into a little lady.  She is changing now everyday!  Lets see:
- She waves hi and goodbye
-She says hi
-She says baba
-sits perfectly and catches her balances if falling.
-She doesn't crawl yet but she can turn right around while sitting, she can reach way ahead of herself and if she topples over she catches herself not to fall.  If she is lying down she will roll and scoot around her bum.
- She really seems interested by the way things work, turning wheels, pressing buttons, lifting things to see whats underneath etc.
-She walks with a walker, its soooooo funny
-She absolutely adores our cats, she laughs her head off at them now!
-She really loves her daddy now!  Smiles so big when he comes into her view!
-When she drops stuff, she looks to where they landed, tries to get things
-She is very cuddly now, she gives hugs
She loves looking at herself, she giggles to no end
-She has 2 teeth that are all the way out and 2 just about broke thru
-She has now had her first cold, eye infection and ear infection and her first bad fever that scared mom to death
-She sleeps pretty good, still no fuss EVER to put her to bed, she sometimes wakes in the night, for the most part doesn't

What she eats now:
Toast, grilled cheese, pancakes, bits of cheese, cheerios, brocolli, carrots ( all baby jar stuff), lovesss orange pieces and yogurt, cookies,apple juice I pretty much let her try anything we are eating!! She just loves to eat!

She has adjusted well at daycare, she just lovvvvvvvves her caregiver and the little boys over there!  She had her first wound, she came home with a bite mark from the little boy!

She loves peek-a-boo, this never ever gets old, its always funny, actually she laughs at just about everything!  I love her to death! She is growing up way to fast!

Mother's Day!

Every mothers day that came and went, I was always reminded that I wasn't a Mother. Reminded that I wanted a child so badly and I couldn't.  I wasn't a total grinch because I love my Mom and tried just to focus on her.  This year is different!  I am a MOM!  It warms my heart so much!  Never will another Mothers Day pass with empty arms!  Shelby got Granny a card too!  My mom is coming for dinner tomorrow.  I cant tell you how wonderful it is and how lucky I am to be able to spend Mothers Day with my Daughter and my Mother!  I couldnt ask for anything else!   Happy Mothers Day to all the Moms out there :-)

First weekend Camping!

I earned my "Mommy stripes"

Well so the phamacist told me lol As you remember from my previous post, Shelby has been super sick.  Well it hasnt gone away and has gotten worse.  She hasnt slept or eaten in days.  Yesterday was scary.  She screamed all night like she was being tortured, by the morning I was so frazzled and figured she would sleep eventually..NO.    Then her fever skyrocketed and it really scared me.  I took her in Sunday morn to see a doctor.  She screamed bloody murder and coughed and choked and barfed in the waiting room. I thought surely this time they will help and not just send her home.  Sure enough, she has a bad ear infection and an eye infection on top of her cold.  Poor thing, well at least I know whats wrong now.  You can better deal with the screams when you know what causes them.  I know I am a newbie Mom and for some this is nothing, but this scared the bejeezus outta me!  I felt so helpless, and useless, and really really frazzled!  I best get used to her being.  What a horrible feeling when your child is in pain and you cant help them.   On a bright note, she has a few antibiotics and they told me to give her motrin and she is on the mend.  I actually got some smiles out of her today!  Welcome Back Shelby! 

She's growing so fast!

Sick baby

Poor Shelby has been sick since sometime on the weekend.  Momma caught a cold and I think I passed it on to her.  She started off with a booger nose, and this weird gagging thing while she was eating,,which I attributed to teething.  She is teething her top two teeth.  But then it got worse, it turned into a full blown cough with an added bark attached at nighttime.  She stopped sleeping, like...wouldnt sleep at ALL!! Momma is not used to that!!  Yikes.  Made for one grumpy Momma and one grumpy baby.  To make matters worse, she also has diarhea and we are now Day 3 she refuses to eat.  I was so worried yesterday I took her to see the doctor,  they tested her for Croup ( whooping cough) but is probably just a viral infection.  Her throat is sore and swollen and thats why she wont eat,.  The only thing she had yesterday was 4 oz of apple juice, and the day before, about 8 0z of milk.  This morn, about 2 oz.  Very worrisome.  Solid food - forget it.  The strange thing about it, she seems to be pretty happy anyways.  I felt embarassed telling the doc "Shes sick" as she bounces and sings.  She is certainly in much better spirits today but is still coughing and not eating, I suspect it will just resolve itself and I will continue to try to feed her.  Poor baby.  This was her first cold! 

Shelby can sit!

What a week!!

Where do I begin? Let's start with the biggie ---> Daycare

1.  It went really really well.  Shelby has made a friend with a 2 yr old boy! Its so cute! Her face lights up lile a Christmas tree when she sees him.  First he laughs and smiles at her, then he runs away.  Then I can hear him from around the corner yelling  "Sheeebbbby"" So cute!   I think its doing her really really good.  Helping her with her seperation anxiety.  She told me the baby hasnt been fussy and its all been great!  Well, the five year old blew her cover,, he asked me " Why does that baby cry all day?"  LMAO!!  The truth comes out!  Honestly I expected her to cry all day and actually it warmed myheart just a little knowing that she misssed Mommy.  Her babysitter has 2 really big dogs.  She loves them until they bark, then she totally screams in panic.   Ya see, Shelby has this new scream, one i have never heard before.  When she is frightened, she shrieks!  Ya feel bad but its kinda funny LOL  She does it when the vacuum is on, or when you stretch out a piece of duct tape and now barking dogs :-)   So in a nutshell, I think Shelby is going to settle in nicely.  She is getting used to her new friends.  She rides in a double stroller with tthe 2 yr old, apparently she is not find of sharing the stroller :-)  Mommy was starting to adjust come the 3rd day.  Okay really what that means, is Mommy didnt cry ALL day, just parts.  This is a huge transitiion for me!  I will get better!

2.  Shelby can sit!  Yay!!!  She weebles and she wobbles, but she dont fall down!!  Yay Shelby!

3.  Her upper front teeth have broken thru.  Not a fun time for Shelby and Mommy.  She does handle quite well.  She wakes in the night crying.  Last night I picked her up and brought her out the couch and gave her a wee bit of bottle and then we both snuggled up and fell asleep!  What a precious moment!

4. We seen the doc and have a plan in place for Shelbys sibling.  I will document here our journey as well, as it is how I became and will become again a Momma.  We are beginning my next cycle, which is next week, but as some of you guys know its about  a 2 month process which begins with me having to take some birth control for 21 days.  Go figure, I want to have a baby and I have to take birth control.  More on this next week!

5.  Shelby now LOVES, I mean love loves Shopping now.  It use to be quite a ordeal for me, crying mad baby hurry through the store.  With her new found ability to sit, she just loves sitting in the cart looking everywhere and trying to grab everything!!   Here is pic :-)   Enjoy!!  

I survived Day 2 of daycare

.....if you call crying all day surviving!  She will only be in care 3 days a week but it breaks my heart! I feel so sad.  I was feeling so guilty and worrying about her but she seems to really love the caregiver.  That makes me feel a little better.  I went to pick her up today and she didn't seem to miss me, that made me even sadder :-(  But its soo good that she is adjusting and enjoying her time there!  Everyone tells me that it will get better...all I can do is believe that its true!

Doesnt she just melt your heart?